He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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