if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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