wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize