If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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