why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
