hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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