my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
