You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
