I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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