i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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