my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
