i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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