can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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