just come out here and I will go home with you...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
