just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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