Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
