I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
