Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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