every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
