I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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