i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
