he told me I talked like a deaf person
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
