I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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