I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
