Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your mouth is God's brothel.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
