She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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