i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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