He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
