You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
