I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
