i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
