he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
