Whod you bang
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize