I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
