I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
