It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
