Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
