my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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