some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
