I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
