I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
