I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
