forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
