I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize