in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
