i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
