you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
