party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
