We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
