Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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