Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
