I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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