dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize