But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
