yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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