YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
