so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
