Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
