why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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