my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
