i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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