yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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