Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
