Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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