Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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