I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
