you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
