i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
