Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize