WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
